Most people’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group
Anthony Robbins
It Too Late Now Trap
We accept and seldom challenge the mindset that decisions are etched in stone and once made can never be changed. We evolve into some inert life form like petrified wood. We remain locked in unsatisfying relationships, uninspiring work and lifeless boring daily routines. The battle against complacency has to be fought every waking moment of your existence. Never abdicate your power of choice and relinquish your freedom. This mistaken notion of permanency obscures and blinds us to the choices available.
The Avoidance Trap
We give up the pursuit of awareness (what’s really happening; what am I truly feeling). Awareness forces us to wrestle with reality. Reality can be painful, we prefer the sleep walking state of being on automatic pilot. We mindless watch uninteresting T.V. or engage in meaningless conversations or snack out of boredom. We forfeit our focus and purpose and this costs us our vitality. It results in wasting our existence rather than living life fully.
The Faked Responsibility Trap
With feigned remorse or acceptance (I know you are right; I just can’t help myself) individuals may appear to accept total responsibility for their behavior but only after they have yielded to their unconscious desire to hang onto it. They are the chronic confessors and smiling failures. They are willing to take their medicine, just as long as they’re allowed to keep infecting themselves with the disease.
Some people attempt to use their therapist or support group as sources of validation for their cycles of self defeat. Their pattern is to practice a self-defeating behavior, admitting to it after the fact (I know I’m 60 lb. overweight – see I acknowledge the problem and have taken ownership of it.). This is self defeating and delusional. They expect kudos for their misplaced honesty and to be absolved of their recent mistakes. They confuse confession with ownership.
Someday I’m Gonna Do It Trap
Go directly to what you want. Go sooner than later. If you want to travel around the world, start with a job that facilitates traveling. Work for an airline or a travel company. Be aware of the crippling effects of fear and procrastination. Whenever I’m stuck and not going after what I want, I’m usually blocked by some fear. Identifying, understanding and managing your fears eliminates most procrastination and affords you clearer, better thinking. Many suppress their fear with rationalization that seems to make sense “I’ll work in this job until I have the money to do what I want.” The reality is they often consign themselves to spending a life time at jobs they don’t enjoy. Some postpone living by hiding behind the excuse that they need more education or training. It may be true and if so what’s preventing them from pursuing additional skills or education? It may also be true that lack of education or credentials is just a convenient excuse for staying on the sidelines and not confronting fears (am I good enough?, will I fail?, what will my friends or parents think?) and not doing what needs to be done. This is the real story of many who become professional students. They never enter the real world and prefer to collect information and credentials. They prefer to hide out in ivory towers and become real smart but never become doers and creators.. They never identify and confront their fears. They never take a risk. How fulfilling is that?
If you can’t go directly to what you want because of obligations. Go directly and immediately to taking action. Take a first step. Just taking action, however small, will feel empowering and will help you build the confidence to take another step and to continue taking steps. Ask yourself – what first step can I take? Here is a question that helps you determine the significance of that first step – how much fear did you feel when you took it?
That’s Just The Way It Is Trap
We often attract life experiences by default that are consistent (how could it be otherwise)? with our unconscious programming. We see these life experiences as ordained (that’s just the way it is) rather than the results of our conditioning that can be changed by conscious effort. Many talk a good game, but they don’t walk their talk. Deep down inside they believe that’s just the way it is and they have no meaningful choices or options. If you are always broke and short at the end of the month, you are living by rules (usually unconsciously) that are telling you this is how life has to be. Identify these inner unconscious rules and you have the means to change the outer circumstances of your life.
Been There Done That Trap
A trap that I think we can fall into (esp. those in either recovery or those who attend a support group regularly) is the family of origin deja vu trap or as Yogi Berra would say “It’s deja vu all over again.” We relive our painful history over and over and over. What we focus on is what we get more of. So if you focus on your pain, guess what – more pain. Learn to catch yourself and change your focus when you start wallowing in self pity or feeling like a victim. You might have to do this 30 times a day (or even 30 times an hour). The benefit is you will become more optimistic and confident and your life will work better. Our need for emotional pain (or even mild discontent) to feel alive is for many their greatest addiction. Often unrecognized by those who are recovering from some other addiction.
